Ego, Piling People, and Jerks

fidget friday newletter Jul 21, 2022
Fidget Friday



“A sign of a vibrant community is that new members join because they want to. Aspiring leaders frequently forget the importance of this agency. They plop unknowing people on a list and start calling them a community.” - Get Together by Richardson, Huynh, Sotto

Let’s talk about the ego for a second,

Trust me this is about as fun for me too as a root canal. I like my ego. 

When building a community my ego tells me to run and grab as many people as I can and get them into my Facebook group, Discord, at all costs.

The excuse that I tell myself is that I believe in what I am creating (that's true) and I want to help more people (that's also true) but what is equally as true is I want to appear successful.

Can we be HONEST here for a sec folks?

It looks good having a lot of people in your “community” on the outside. It looks like you have all your duckies in a row and that you are popular.

Hello highschool drama.

But numbers mean jack diddly squat. (Unless you are talking about a bank account and calories unfortunately). When it comes to building a real community, just because you have brought a lot of people into the room, doesn’t mean you are a good community builder, it means you are a good marketer.

And hey that’s great.

Let's be honest here most people reading this (myself included) will probably make more money the bigger your community is. Maybe you have a course, membership, you are selling NFTs or your art, and getting people into the room isn’t just satisfying your ego and proving that bully from 8th grade wrong that you aren’t cool, it's also a super nice lead generator for the BIZ.

Hey, that’s great too.

I want you to win in your business (honest).

Back to the book quoted above, later on it goes on to say, “honor the purpose of the community before chasing growth at any cost.”

This is where it gets hard. 

Community building isn’t audience building and lead generation. It’s about bringing people together with the same values, mission, heart, and doing things together.

Whether they buy from you or not.

You don’t want someone to take you on a date only because they want to be intimate with you later.

We call that being a jerk.

(I call it something else but I’m trying to keep these PG)

Not everyone needs a community or honestly should have one. No shame. But if you make the intentional decision that building a “community” is the right choice for your brand you have to give up your agenda and really think about what serves them.

No really.

I am not saying they won't buy from you (they are the most likely too honestly if you do it right) but if that's the intent from the beginning they will sniff it out. Communities want to feel like they are a part of something bigger than your product, your art, your NFT.

They have to choose to be there.

I am not saying don’t advertise your community, but focusing on the pile of people is a never-ending task, because if they don't want to be there they will leave, or not engage, and your task as a “piler” will never end.

Instead as builders, we are focused on being clear on why we are gathered, serving the PURPOSE WITH the people who are already there, and getting excited about what you are up to. 

You don’t want to invite people to your house and have them looking at the door every two seconds. You want your guests to feel comfortable and enjoy their time.

Inviting people is the easy part, facilitating an experience is another.

Doing the latter well will make the former much easier.

…but back to that ego. 

It takes time. Are we willing to look “small” or “unsuccessful” for a while to build something special?

Some days Im all about that and others I get impatient. We are human after all. 

Anyways, hope that was helpful. Keep building. There are people who need exactly what you are creating.

Focus on THEM fully. No matter how many that is.


PS. When was the last time you joined one of our FREE community builder calls? They are fun and we learn a lot about REAL community by well…being in community.

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