What your Mom didn’t tell you about “being liked”

What your Mom didn’t tell you about “being liked”

Ever worry about what other people think?

I am a fairly passionate gal, so I normally have something to say on just about any subject. However like most people, I have become conditioned to worry about what other people think. This fear has sometimes filtered what I write, what I say, and what I do.
I have been trained to be more concerned about being liked- than being effective.

Yesterday one of my dearest friends sent me a message asking me what I thought about a status she wrote about the recent Supreme Court decision to allow same sex marriage in all 50 states (heard about that yet? ;)

And I get it.  There is a strange battle between a desire to express what’s in your heart, and complete acceptance by everyone around you.
Be 100% authentic and 100% liked. But ya can’t.

I’m quickly learning that you have to pick.
Never risk ruffling a few feathers- in turn- never be truly known
Or be honest, open, and vulnerable- and (maybe) piss a few people off- but experience true connection and make a real difference.

I’m not talking about setting out to slam someone’s mom. But living a deliberate life of passion and transparency will involve- will require- a willingness to not be liked by everyone.

Why live a life of passion and transparency? Whaaaa? Don’t you just need to get along with all the other kids on the playground?

Sure. As much as you can.

But passion and transparency are necessary for change. Even when I disagree with someone, I respect passion. To me that  someone who is willing to believe in  and fight for something beyond themselves- to not be liked by everyone.

Sometimes living with passion and transparency means jumping  when there is no perfect plan.
Sometimes its listening to the small voice inside of us- even when it doesn’t make “sense”.
Sometimes its being willing to say “no” to the little pleasures of today- so you can say “yes” the bigger purpose of your tomorrow.

So when they stare. Smile.
But don’t change a thing. Not everyone will understand- or approve. Its not their fault really. Its what they have been taught. Be nice out there on the play ground but prize your own authenticity and passion above being “liked” by everyone. There will be people who stand with you until the end. And the real difference that your life makes will outweigh all the ruffled feathers along the way.

 

 
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Megan Starbuck- Living Tiny Dreaming Big

Megan Starbuck- Living Tiny Dreaming Big

I first met Megan a few months ago through a Master Mind group that we are both in. I am always amazed how productive she is, yet seems to remain in a very calm, relaxed state. She has confessed to me a few times that she actually enjoys staying off the internet, however through it she has impacted many people by helping them discover what matters most.


What do you do? (What is your business? Organization? Blog? Future pursuits?)
I’m a decluttering coach and blogger for Living Tiny, Dreaming Big. Basically I help people get rid of stuff in order to make room for what’s most important.

I guide them in thinking through what matters to them, then give them steps to take as well as resources that will help them be able to focus on their priorities.

So much of the clutter in our lives is mental, so I help them work through that and offer lots of encouragement and advice along the way.

When was the first moment that you thought of your business idea, organization, blog (whichever applies)?

I actually already had a blog about tiny houses and my journey to live in one by March of 2017, but I realized if I wanted to have space in that house for my creative pursuits (painting, writing, sewing) then I would need to get rid of a lot of stuff that I don’t even care about anymore. I was keeping a lot of stuff just by default because I didn’t want to take the time to get rid of it or because I figured I might use it one day.

When I had the idea to become a decluttering coach, I actually hadn’t even begun my own decluttering very well. It was at a writing conference in November of 2014. I was so embarrassed about all the stuff in my car!

How long did it take you to get it off the ground? (meaning, going from an idea…to actually starting)

Because I’d already had a blog with a little bit of a following, I was able to shift it from a focus on the tiny house to living simply. I think it was March when I got my first couple of clients.

So it was about four months of intense studying of how to go about gaining clients as well as updating my website and sharing the information on what the coaching would be like.

What is one thing that you wish someone would of told you before you began this journey?

I read and listened to so much advice for this journey that in a way it seems that I was told everything as I went. Other people’s insights didn’t always apply to me at the time, but it gave me an idea of what was coming. Once I ran into an obstacle then I was able to remember their advice and handle it better than I would have. Or I was able to avoid situations by not doing what they did.

But something I would’ve liked to start from the beginning is keeping a short record maybe every month of how I’m doing in each area of my life. It would help me look back and remember that everything wasn’t great all the time, but more importantly it would help me see what I needed to give more attention to immediately.

The advice I would’ve liked to receive is to check in with myself regularly. It would have helped to have the reminder that it’s ok to give it all you’ve got in one area for a while, but once you start to feel like you need to slow down then do it.

At one point I realized that I made good grades in school because I took the time to study what I was taught. Constantly getting grades showed me where to focus my attention to improve.

So I’ve informally started grading myself in different areas of my life. I listed several categories such as Relationships, Finances, Serving, Health, and Business. I ask myself what grade I’d give myself in each one. If I have a C in Health and Serving then maybe it’s time to take a little break in my business and run a 5k for a charity.

It’s ok to not reach your full potential in your business if doing so would cause you to fail in other areas. And sometimes a business can fail and leave you with the realization that you neglected other areas of your life.

But I also believe a business can be a great way to improve other categories of your life. Not only can it be a way to help you financially, but it can lead you to amazing new relationships. It can be a way to serve others who need your product. It can also improve your overall health by giving you a sense of purpose.

Just don’t depend on it for these things.

How have you networked with others? Do you believe this is an important step in the process?

It’s incredibly important. I used to hate the word “networking” because I thought it meant I had to wear office attire, hand out business cards, and tell people why they should help me in 30 seconds.

My favorite way to network is by going to workshops for things I love. Last year I attended three tiny house workshops. Through building and learning with other people, I made connections that led to me being asked months later if I wanted to be on the TV show Tiny House Nation. (Just so you know, I haven’t done it. But maybe I still will once I get closer to having a tiny house.)

I’ve also had great networking experiences online by joining Facebook groups of people with similar interests or by sending an email to someone with an interesting post.

For someone who is just starting off in their pursuit (business, organization, blog, etc), what advice would you give them?

Keep it simple and manageable for yourself. Unexpected things will come up, so know your goal and stay focused on it.

Have an overall goal and a specific goal.

There are times when it’s important to say no. If an opportunity comes up that doesn’t fit either of these goals, ask yourself if you’re willing to give up your current goals for the new one.

If an opportunity comes up that doesn’t fit your specific goal but does fit your overall goal, then maybe it’s worth a try.

For example, I didn’t originally intend to start a blog. I had done it before but got burnt out. Yet this time seemed different. Although it didn’t directly help me physically build a house, having the blog has kept me moving toward being prepared to live in a tiny house. It has helped me connect with others who want to do the same. I can’t imagine if I had said I couldn’t do it because I had to focus on building a tiny house.

What gives you hope?

Other people’s stories! When I read or hear about how they accomplished something, it helps me see how I could reach my goal. I’ve listened to stories of how people did what I want to do: build a tiny house, declutter, run a business with integrity, share God’s love in practical ways, and travel the world on a budget. It’s always so encouraging.

It also gives me hope when I look back on my own life and see the small victories as well as the difficulties I’ve lived through. I know I will be able to face hard times in the future as well as have more moments of success.

What is one logistical tip that you have learned that may help someone else just starting off in your industry?

This can apply to any industry. I would say make it fun. Make it fun for yourself and for your clients. I used to never think decluttering could be fun, which is a big part of why I never did it. Maybe your competition offers a product cheaper, but making it more fun will go a long way not only in keeping clients but also in staying with it yourself when things don’t always go your way.

Everything about it won’t be fun for you, but at least some parts of it should be.

(Most Important Question)
When you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up?

I never had just one thing. This is about to get embarrassing, but here’s my list of things I remember wanting to be as a kid:

a photographer
a painter
a (country music, lol) singer
a writer
a missionary
a construction worker or garbage person (but that’s just because I wanted to work outside)
I’ve actually continued to do all of these things, though some just as more of a hobby.

What is your “Big Picture”? (your why)

The reason behind what I do is because there’s so much negativity in the world that we often overlook the good and beautiful. I want to help people get rid of negative things in their lives, not just possessions but also circumstances and fears and lies they’ve believed, so they can experience more beautiful moments. Believe me, I know life isn’t always great. But I do believe we can do things to make it better and that there’s always something to be grateful for.

Freedom to Rant- Last minute advice: Go.

I am at the point where I am realizing how often I’m wrong. As much as people like to ask me for advice, I am way more hesitant about giving it. So I’ll leave you with a quote from someone else. :)

The price of anything is the amount of life you exchange for it. -Henry David Thoreau

 


Megan

 

Megan Starbuck is currently helping people become Clutter-Free by Thanksgiving. She developed the 7 Steps to a    Clutter-Free Life for herself and realized it could help others, too. You can follow her on Twitter @mcstarbuck, Instagram    @livingtinydreamingbig, or Pinterest for quotes and articles on living a simple life. You can email her at    mcstarbuck@gmail.com. She’d love to hear from you!

 

 

 

 

mcstarbuck.com
Living Tiny, Dreaming Big

Visit my site for simple ideas on how to make room for what matters most.

When one teaches, two learn. -Robert Half

You will come to know that what appears today to be a sacrifice will prove instead to be the greatest investment that you will ever make.
Gorden B. Hinkley

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When Donuts Deceive

When Donuts Deceive

Have you ever woke up one morning feeling really sure about one thing….and by dinner time you felt completely different?

“I LOVE MY JOB!”(9:02am)
“I think I should quit…” (4:35pm)

“I am ready to become healthy once and for all!!! “(Sunday night)
“Hold Crap! There is a new Dunkin Donuts opening next door to the office.” (Monday morning 7:34AM)

“I will love him forever!!! “(Marriage Day 1)
“Omg… who did I marry!?” (Marriage Day 23)

There is nothing that we can do to completely stop our fluctuating emotions. That’s what makes us human and capable of experiencing life. Emotions are not the enemy.
I have been dealing ALOTTTT with them this week- and by tuning in to them its really easy to make life altering decisions solely based off of them.

Maybe I should quit this?
Maybe I should start this?

But honestly I should just stay put. Sometimes we simply just have to commit to things that we start. Its really really easy to quit…its easy to listen to whats loud.

Will we screw up? Sure. But  I hope to be the type of person to jump back on board and see it out. There may be times that we will need to quit and let go of things. But the worse time to decide that is in the midst of emotion. Often what separates those who succeed and those who don’t is not a plan perfectly executed- but a plan that is not easily abandoned.

Key to survival?

Surround yourself with people who say “keep going” (those people have been my life line this week! Thank you) and never ever trust donuts.

Photo by Photo by Phil King

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When you don’t know what to do

When you don’t know what to do

Yesterday I met with a camp director for a kid’s camp. He is letting an organization I work with use some space on their grounds for a few events that we have planned. I toured the grounds and listened to his vision for the place, which centered primarily on helping underprivileged kids, raising up leaders within youth, and creating workshops in the off season to help the parents obtain their GED, and so forth. As I listened, I heard a sense of overwhelm in his voice. As you may know, there is a lot of red tape you have to get through when it comes to buildings and kids. I heard a big vision, a lot of passion, and one man.

Of course he was not doing it on his own. There are people on his team and a few investors. But he needs a lot more, of both.  Anyone I have talked to with a passion to help solve a problem (hunger in their community, human trafficking, anti-bully movement, etc) has had to do a lot on their own, take on more than what they thought they could handle.

But that’s not what this blog is about.

This blog is about what to do when you don’t know what to do. And I have a proposal for you.

Many people are waiting. On what I am not sure. I guess a sign from heaven that tells them specifically what to do.

“You need to do this__________ in this city _____________on this date____________”

Until they receive this “clear” calling. They wait idle believing that they do not have one. They have not given themselves permission to belong and be apart of something, anything, purposeful or meaningful because of  the fear that they might miss their REAL purpose while they are busy with something else. Yet, often the clarity we seek for what we are “meant” to do is found when we give up looking for what is perfect and simply to do what is right.

Like helping this guy at his camp.

Or plugging into some kind of meaningful work, and helping someone else pursue their dream, or simply being present and giving your time to people who need it. When you don’t know what to do, seek purposeful work.

I am sure that you have heard it said, “if you want something done, find a busy person, and they will get it done”. I believe the reason for this is because when you realize that your purpose IS a life of purposeful contribution- you realize that the work is never ending. And as long as there is time left on this earth- there is always…always something to do.

Want to plug in? Here are some simple ways…

Help these social entrepreneurs create change

Help this family get to Japan

If you are in Arkansas… plug into this camp.

I would also LOVE to hear from you. What are you doing to help create change?

 

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Photo by Seattle Municipal Archives

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The Courage to Make Change

Change is SCARY.

If you have done anything for any length of time in any particular way…you may become stuck. Even if you know change may be for the best.

This week on InsideOutGlamour.com I got to talk about three reasons why I have resisted change. You can view the full post by clicking here

Making a change is not always bad. Its a sign of willingness to grow and a resolve to not give up.

 

 


Speaking of change…. Learn  how to set measurable goals and manage your time by signing up for a new course coming July 1st

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Mental Catatonia

Mental Catatonia

Being in a Psychology  program has many perks. Although I am primarily interested in Possive Psychology and mental HEALTH…who doesn’t love learning a little bit about a disorder or two? Come on……I know you love to rent movie thrillers about crazy folks because disorders are really interesting.

Technically Catatonia is not a separate disorder anymore (according to the DSM-5). It’s now a condition associated with various disorders. For the purpose of this blog there are only a couple of things to note.

1. One of Catatonia’s symptoms is a loss of motor skills resulting in stiff movements and sometimes holding a rigid position for hours.

2. You don’t want Catatonia.

It is interesting to me, that if we physically see a lack of movement, or lack in flexibility, we get concerned. We seek out treatment or medication.

However in life we often experience, what I call ‘Mental Catatonia’. We hold on to certain ideas about the way things should be and are not willing to be flexible and change.

Changing is hard. Knowing that you need to bend to an idea or reshape your approach takes courage. But when things have to change, and you need to be flexible, do not assume that its an automatic failure. Its hard on me sometimes when I set out to do something and it does not work. I often immediately resort to the thought that it “failed”. However sometimes I just have to be willing to approach the same task in a different way. Just take a different approach and not give up all together. Flexibility can be a sign of a healthy life.

I hope to be more dedicated to the mission than stuck on certain methods of getting there.

So on the path to “figuring it out” whether that’s your purpose, your goals, or your dreams anticipate change and be flexible.
Avoid “Mental Catatonia”.

 

 

Photo Credit Wikiepedia Creative Commons

How have your plans changed? How do you deal with change and rerouting? Would love to hear from you!

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The Joy in Trying

The Joy in Trying

When I take my little girl to the beach she runs straight towards the waves. She literally dives right in.
They are bigger than her, they are stronger than her, they easily win.

The best part about this is that she laughs the whole time. We are all in an uproar- worried when a wave hits her knocking her down.
But she laughs through it- and does it again.

Watching her I often wonder where I lost that sense of adventure and the joy behind trying. In order to venture out into something bigger than ourselves we often hesitate and have to work through the dread of the unknown and the anticipation of failure. Never considering that through the hits, through the mistakes, living a life of bravery is fun, rewarding, and really the only way to experience the essence of what life is really about.

I think we have reduced this way of living as an option reserved only for the brave among us. Those with certain personality types, resources and positions are the ones who should try. They are the ones who should make a difference. We weren’t cut out for it. We don’t have “what it takes”.

And we miss it.

We don’t only miss the impact that our lives could make on those around us. We miss out on the joy of trying.

I’m not proposing that its always easy and fun. I just want to find the joy again in jumping in. I want to shift my perspective of what it means to live beyond myself- and see a life of intention and bravery as an honor instead of a dread.

Through the hits, mistakes, and feeling overwhelmed. Keep truckin forward. Enjoy the ride and seek the joy in trying. 

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Diffusion of Responsibility

Diffusion of Responsibility

My husband shared a Story with me a couple of weeks ago about a woman who was brutally beaten in front of a group of people. The woman was punched in the face repeatedly while her toddler stood a few feet away. The group of people who formed around the beaten woman, pulled out their phones and posted the woman’s beating online, but did nothing to stop the beating or protect the child.

Her 2 year old little boy was the only one who stepped in, kicking the assaulter telling her to get off his mom.

It was horrible to hear this story. But to be honest I was not surprised. I am in a Psychology program and I have heard about the “Diffusion of Responsibility” many, many times.

Its not as uncommon as you think.

Its our human tendency to step aside and let injustice continue, because we assume responsibility is placed on someone else.

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In fact, studies have shown that the more bystanders there are, the less responsibility an individual feels like they have in the situation.

You may never see a woman get beat. If you do I hope you step in.

But what other responsibilities are we diffusing?
What has stirred you?
What bothers you when you see it?
Do you assume that someone else has it “taken care of”?

I wrote an article a few months ago called “One more thing” (you can read it here). But the idea behind it, is that we are reluctant to start something, to do something, because we feel like its just “one more thing”.

There are a million organizations, businesses, charities, etc. etc. Why should I start another?
Or sometimes we feel like that there is so much to do, we dont even know where to begin.

So we do nothing.

We let tragedies, injustices, slip by us, and never step in and do anything about them.
Its not our problem right?
Its not our responsibility to to put our name, our reputation, our money, our time out on the line for someone else because….
We have our own lives to worry about.
We have our own kids, and our own house, and our own careers to think about.

You may not see a woman get beat today. You may never. But the same senerio replays in our day to day lives when we fail to do something-anything to come to the call of those who need us.

I have been guilty of distancing myself from this work. Like helping and loving others is a department in my life that I visit and use every once in awhile. I have been guilty of not viewing it as a way of life.

I am not bringing this up to place blame, guilt, or condemnation on anyone. I am doing being it up because its a conversation that needs to start. We cannot give up on this world as a lost cause and just document the tragedies around us and post about them without taking responsibility. We need to move away from just “raising awareness” and begin to roll up our sleeves, get dirty, and do meaningful work.

Because it in the end we have more responsibility than we think. The crowd who formed around this woman’s beating thought they were observing. But as the story went national they realized that they contributed. By doing nothing they gave permission. They made away.

Reach out to those around you. When you see a need- meet it.
Do more than just share stories. Help change someone’s story.  Don’t assume someone else will step in. Your effort matters and its worth giving.

 

Have an idea? Want to share your story? I would love to hear from you.

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Featured Photo courtesy of Espen Sundve

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What Good is Freedom?

What Good is Freedom?

When I was a kid I remember thinking that “when I grew up” I would do everything.
That I could do anything.

I dreamed of all the amazing things that I would become, and all the professions that I would have.
I was going to be an gold medalist figure skater…..and an astronaut.
(Yes, those were my two big dreams)

ppp

(my sister and I being princesses. Yes, that is a hair scrunchy on my head. #80sBaby)

The point is, I knew that I would gain more freedom when I got older, and with that freedom I dreamed of what I would do with it.

I believe the most honoring thing we can do with our freedom is use it. Freedom is not given so you can eat Cheetos and lay around. Its given so you can work freely and contribute to the world

We have the freedom, the right, & the choice to be healthy.
We have the freedom, the right, & the choice to get any level of education that we desire.
We have the freedom ,the right, & the choice to develop and succeed at any organization, a business, non profit- anything we can dream of or imagine.

So instead of celebrating freedom by laying on the couch wasting our lives away on TLC…. “because we can”
Remember as a child that you associated freedom with Becoming.
Become who you want to be. Because you can.
That’s real freedom.

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Nick Spindler | IamNickSpindler.com

Nick Spindler | IamNickSpindler.com

What do you do? (What is your business? Organization? Blog? Future pursuits?)
I am a writer.  Right now that is mainly through my blog.  On my blog I share stories of my life and how I am chasing my dream and hope it encourages others to do the same.  I also plan on doing public speaking around what I write.

When was the first moment that you thought of writing a blog?
I blogged a lot when I was in college (2002) because it was how I kept up with people from high school.  Then about 4-5 years ago I really felt like God told me I needed to get back into blogging because it used to really encourage the people that read it

How long did it take you to get it off the ground? (meaning, going from an idea…to actually starting)
It probably took me about 3 months to get my blog set up.  The original version was terrible and honestly embarrassing to look back on.  For the first 3 years of my blog I didn’t devote a lot of time to it and it was mainly an after thought or something I did if I had some extra time.  In the 9 months I have made it a priority and have been posting regularly.

What is one thing that you wish someone would of told you before you began this journey?
Just because you build it doesn’t mean they will come.  You have to hustle and do a lot to get yourself out there.  Also that it can be exhausting to work on a dream when you are trying to balance a full-time job and a family as well.

How have you networked with others? Do you believe this is an important step in the process?
I believe networking is huge.  Without a network you aren’t going to grow.  Outside of using some of my friends for things (web design, photography, ect.) I have joined a couple of online groups that have helped put me in touch with people that are in similar places.  I recently joined a Mastermind group where there are 5 of us that have shared our goals and help each other reach them.  I had never done this before and it is pretty amazing how encouraging and motivating a group of strangers can be.

Someone who is just starting off in their pursuit (business, organization, blog, etc), what advice would you give them?

Surround yourself with people that will support you.  If you have a dream don’t let people that are going to tear it apart be close to it.

What gives you hope?
Seems cliche, but Jesus Christ.  Outside of Him, my wife is a huge supporter and can lift my spirits when I am ready to give up.

What is one logistical tip that you have learned that may help someone else just starting off in your industry?
Before you start a blog, build a collection of blog posts.  That way when you launch your blog you can have more than 1 post available for your potential readers.  It will make you look more established right out of the gate.

(Most Important Question)
When you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up?
Football Player

What is your “Big Picture”? (your why)
To impact the younger generation across the world with the message that God loves them and designed them with a purpose.  We all were given gifts and talents and I want to help motivate people to figure out what they are and go after them with everything they have.

Freedom to Rant- Last minute advice: Go.
No matter what your pursuit is, there is power in telling a story.  In almost any avenue telling a story can be the most effective sales pitch you can make.

 

 

ns

Nick serves at Charisma Church, as the Creative Department Head,  Youth Director, a leader in the college ministry, and a leader in the children’s ministry.

He has traveled across America ministering as a part of the TV One Life Live events and been on many mission trips through Maximum Missions.  He has also traveled and ministered at churches along the East Coast of the United States, as well as in Ecuador, Panama, Peru, Brazil, the Dominican Republic, and Israel. He is a Youth Director for the YMCA of the Triangle, responsible for overseeing before and after school care programs, track out camp, and summer day camps.  He is married to Angela and the father of Zeke.

Connect with Nick!  Visit his Website or send him an E-mail. You can also follow him on Twitter and Instagram

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